Prioritize Your Values

Have you ever looked at the stars at night? Are they all competing for your attention? On a truly dark night, you will see billions of stars trying to compete for your focus.

Voyagers traditionally relied on the North Star to navigate the ocean. If modern technology fails, you cannot navigate by boat without using the stars. The North Star allows sailors to navigate dark ocean nights without getting lost. Similarly, we all should have a North Star in our focus that can guide us in the ocean of life.

This classroom will be guided by my spiritual lens with minimal scientific content. While most of my other classes incorporate kid-friendly science in the fields of psychology and neurobiology, today I am choosing to be open and personal. Your spiritual perspective may not align with mine exactly, but I hope you continue reading, as I believe there are many values we both agree on. As I describe my guiding Northstar, I hope it helps you define your own. My lens of faith is Christian, and I believe that many of the values I rely on are shared by many amazing people of different faiths. When we define our North Star, it gives us the ability to not lose our way when we are pulled so many different directions. You can certainly use this concept in business, but you can also use this concept in life.

In early 2025, I was praying in the middle of the night. I often get spiritual downloads and insights around 3 or 4 a.m. in the morning for some reason. I was feeling a need to talk with God and I always get the clearest answers around that time of night. I remember hearing a voice say, "Steph...look at the stars. (I stood up in the middle of my prayer and stared at the night sky.) See how they are all competing for your attention? You really only need one star to guide you and that is me." I remember distinctly recognizing in that moment the week before how social media, marketing ads, youtube shorts, emails flooding my accounts, and stock market signals were all competing for my attention. I was not finding my way that week. God reminded me who my North Star is. This is my North Star:

And that which doth not edify (negative thoughts) is not of God, and is darkness. That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day. And again, verily I say unto you, and I say it that you may know the truth, that you may chase darkness from among you.

I want to be a sheep in the Father's Kingdom. Jesus was the master at teaching good values to live by that help us become the sheep. I have felt Him in my heart guiding my values and I can tell you that He loves you. His biggest and greatest recommendation is to love Him, and love others as ourselves. He teaches that everything else hangs upon these two parts of love. When you love the Lord, obedience ceases to be a burden and you want to help others; peace fills your heart. If you want to learn how to find your true North, one way is to study Jesus Christ and learn from his values. It is my testimony, that He knows the truth of all things. He knows what values we all should live by. He lived them perfectly when He took human form, and walked this earth as the son of God.

Who or what is yours? You can get specific with what your North Star is but I hope it is aligned with your values.

I would like to distinguish between three commonly used words around values.

Here are some definitions:

Values are what you believe is important. They are like your inner compass — they guide your choices.

Virtue is a good habit or trait you practice.

Character is the patterns formed by your values and virtues over time. It’s who you are when no one is watching. What you have become.

Values = what matters to you

Virtues = how you act

Character = who you become

Here are some examples:

• Value: Honesty

  • Character/virtue: Telling the truth even when it’s hard

• Value: Respect

  • Character/virtue: Listening when someone else is talking

• Value: Responsibility

  • Character/virtue: Doing homework without being reminded

• Value: Kindness

  • Character/virtue: Standing up for someone who’s being teased

So as you can see, values are your north star. They guide you to practicing good virtuous living. Your character is who you have become over time. And that is why we call our school here Character Skool. It won't take a day or two to develop character. It will take a life time of practicing virtuous living based on your values.

Here are 20 winning values that we hope can guide you:

• Integrity

  • Integrity means doing what is right even when it’s hard or when no one is watching.

• Courage

  • Doing what’s right or what you feel called to even when you feel scared or nervous.

• Compassion

  • Caring about how others feel and wanting to help them.

• Gratitude

  • Being thankful for what you have and what others do for you.

• Faith

  • Trusting in God and believing in things that matter, even when they’re hard to see.

• Humility

  • Not bragging and being willing to learn from others.

• Fairness

  • Treating everyone equally and playing by the rules.

• Perseverance

  • Not giving up when things get hard.

• Self-respect

  • Valuing yourself and making good choices for your body and mind.

• Service

  • Helping others without expecting anything back.

• Love Others

  • Caring deeply about others and wanting what’s best for them.

• Accountability

  • Admitting mistakes and fixing them when you can.

• Trustworthiness

  • Being someone others can count on.

• Patience

  • Staying calm while you wait or when things don’t go your way.

• Loyalty

  • Standing by people you care about and keeping commitments.

• Growth (or Learning)

  • Wanting to learn, improve, and become better over time.

• Respect

  • Treating people, rules, and property the right way.

• Friendly

  • Kindness in how you talk, act, and be around others & helpfulness.

• Honesty

  • Telling the truth and not cheating or lying.

• Empathy

  • Trying to understand how someone else feels or thinks.

    
    

It becomes very helpful to notice your values weaved through your life and in the character traits you are trying to develop. For example, perhaps your North Star is to be a peacemaker in your home. Here are the values that make up a peacemaker:

• Respect – caring about everyone’s voice

• Empathy – understanding how others feel

• Fairness – wanting solutions that are win-win's

• Compassion – caring enough to help fix problems

• Peace / Harmony – believing relationships matter

Just imagine if everyone in America practiced living virtuously by honoring the value of chastity. The following study may be too sensitive for younger kids but very important to learn sooner than later. Chastity is the very important value that many religions believe about staying morally clean, especially before marriage, also taught by Jesus. It requires a high self-discipline and protects you from many diseases and emotional traumas that can come from not keeping the value close to your heart. The following info may be too sensitive for younger children but very important to learn in families. For example, the U.S. federal government spent around $1.9 trillion on health care programs in 2024 for all medical conditions. But the portion of that $1.9 trillion specifically attributable to STD treatment isn’t separately broken out in official spending reports. It is estimated that medical costs for STDs/STIs in the U.S. health system are about 15-16 billion annually (including HIV) in recent CDC cost estimates. Just imagine how much less debt the government would be in if more people in America valued chastity. Your tax money is helping cover the cost of other people's lack of virtue!

It helps to understand natural consequences from not living true to important values that science and history can measure. For example:

Large-scale studies in psychology and sociology have found that:

• Earlier sexual activity and higher number of premarital partners are correlated with:

  • Higher rates of depression

  • Increased anxiety

  • Lower relationship satisfaction later on

By contrast, individuals who delay sexual activity and honor chastity often show:

• Higher relationship stability

• Greater emotional readiness

• Stronger perceived self-control and personal agency

This is one of the most important values we could ever learn! It could save the world so much grief if they could truly look at the importance of certain values. Values are often blurred by the distractions of the world, and the standards set in movies and music. We have to be very careful about what we watch in families, especially if we do not understand our family's value system.

Another obvious value is to preserve life and not murder. Isn't it interesting that most video games are about killing? We have become desensitized in our society by the act of killing. We watch it for entertainment in the movie theatres. Our kids don't think twice about the awful scenes of violence. Yet, it is one of the most horrific things we can ever do on this planet. Defense and offense are different. There have been times when war was necessary when people are defending their religious freedom and their families. It is only okay if you have to defend your family. But there have also been records of whole nations who were killed off, because they got offensive, and chose to start wars with aggressive nation neighbors. Ancient stories from both the Americas and the Old World near Jerusalem have proven that we should never get aggressive unless commanded to by God. Scriptures indicate that wars initiated for offensive rather than defensive reasons in ancient times generally ended poorly. It is not weak to control your anger. Resisting the urge to act impulsively is a sign of strength. Not valuing life and feeding anger have caused billions of unjustified murders, for which those responsible will be held accountable one day, if not already. Perhaps you just absolutely love a good fighting video game. The producers know how to get you addicted to playing these games and watching violence. They don't tell you the secret dopamine problems that it causes. Visit this classroom here for the amazing motivation on why dopamine levels need to be addressed in our modern culture of abundance.

Once, a family went to the beach. They had four kids with them, including one newborn baby. The family set up their chairs, and the mom sat down to nurse her baby when she looked up and noticed her oldest son who was 8 at the time had already taken off on a floating tube in the ocean. It was a calm morning, and the mother noticed he was not right next to the babysitter who was helping that morning. She asked the babysitter to go grab him and bring him closer to her but she was afraid of the water and didn't grab him. The mother noticed that he was getting farther out rather quickly. So she gave her newborn baby to grandma who was sitting next to her, and swam out with a tube herself to go pull him back in. She thought it would take thirty seconds to pull him back in and show the babysitter how easy her job could have been, however, when she got out there she noticed that her son was not willing to get off his tube and kick his legs. The distance between her son and her own tube was only ten feet or so. Yet, both tubes were drifting out. Mom was intentionally kicking her legs to get to her son, but son was not willing to get down and kick his legs to get to mom. He froze, in panic, probably due to how deep it suddenly felt, and the movie he had watched the night before about sharks. The distance was always about ten to 15 feet, but mom could not get her son to kick towards her, and she had to kick quite fast to catch up to him. By the time she had gotten to her son's inner tube to bring him back to the beach, she was clear past the second sand bar atleast 90 yards from the beach and well into the deep waters. Of course, frantic, she asked why he wouldn't kick to her but he was frozen in fear. So mom started kicking her legs back to get back to the beach. Her legs were exhausted and felt like jelly, because she had just had a newborn baby. About half way back, two men saw the ordeal and came out to help her kick her son back to the shore. As they were helping her pull him back in to safety, they explained that not many people realize that the current is heading out in the morning. Most beaches have waves crashing against the shore. Occasional rip tides take you out. But this calm ocean beach in Florida, had a current that went out in the early mornings. The mom learned a very important lesson that day. Know what direction the current is in, and anchor your children if they decide to float on tubes, especially after watching shark videos.

Have you ever thought of your leaders, parents, or religious mentors (if you have some), as an anchor or a life jacket as you float your way through life? The currents are strong in this world. The North Star for our family is the values that God teaches. He is there, always ready to guide you. Your mentors, your grandparents, or whoever you look up to, can be your safety system through the currents. It is helpful to recognize the currents or even sharks that are around you. It is even more important to keep focusing on your North Star with a life-jacket, because the winds will come. The trials are always around the corner, but there is hope for all of us.

The reality is that we need to collect as many values as we can. That is why God is my North Star. He wants us to become like Him, and he carries all of these values.

Between two evils, choose neither; between two goods, choose both. - Tryon Edwards

We believe God's entire purpose is to help us discover, and live by winning values that will carry us beyond this life. Whether your beliefs are a bit different, all of us desire higher values in life. There is an interesting movement that often happens throughout history where groups focus on one or two values, but throw out the door the other values. Contentious movement has happened throughout history where groups of people have hated other groups of people because they felt marginalized for thinking or believing differently. They want acceptance and understanding for who they are becoming but oftentimes, groups of people have collected different value systems as a whole. One group may only focus on love and peace, but they don't value chastity or integrity. There is the dilemma. How do we gather the correct values to lean on? Interestingly enough, heaps of people have sacrificed their lives to preserve records of the past, hidden in hills and caves that make up modern scripture. Courageous heroes were either burned for translating, scourged for explaining, imprisoned for declaring, or hunted for hiding the ancient records. There is a dark side, an evil side that doesn't want you to find the light of truth, they are the "currents of the ocean." Miracles and sacrifice are the reasons you can open your phone and gain all the beautiful knowledge of the past that can build your values with the touch of a button. It would be a shame to not read them when so many people have died so that you could.

Let the guilt start you on the path of the sincere, heartfelt, and therefore heart-changing process of laying down your sins, even giving away your sins to know the Lord. And as you come to know him, and come unto him, you will also come to know the real you, unshackled and free from your past. -Wendy Nelson

Read the ancient books! Go over values as a family and chat about which ones you want to work on. Perhaps you could focus on one value at a time. Find your True North as families. Then, we hope you visit more of our classrooms that specifically target developing Character traits that align with your values.

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. -Maya Angelou

This next section I share from my personal spiritual lens. No matter what religion you are, I believe you can benefit from the values I discovered. I hope you enjoy with an open heart and mind, always keeping your North Star in your heart.

Years ago, I studied the Sermon on the Mount. A famous Sermon by Jesus Christ. Believe it or not, the Savior actually gave that Sermon more than once and it was recorded on opposite sides of the globe. Once in Jerusalem found in the Bible, and once in the Americas found in ancient records that were hidden in NewYork. Both groups of people got to hear this sermon in the days of Jesus. Confused? Email me if you want to learn more about this. But the fact is, that whether you read it from either place, the words are very similar. They are so special, and so profound because they are one of the few places ever recorded on the planet where we are told to love our enemies, pray for those who use us, and do good to those that persecute us. I took the time to read the Sermon repeatedly over a couple of years and found that, from my perspective, Jesus was conveying 33 main truths. Interestingly enough, 33 is the year he died and was resurrected. 33 is a famous Jewish number. There are 33 vertebrae in the spine. In the original Hebrew text of Genesis chapter 1, “Elohim” appears 33 times, which many scholars and theologians note as symbolically significant. 33 is the temperature that ice melts, as 32 is the freezing point. Roughly every 33 years, the solar and lunar calendars realign, a cycle historically important for ancient timekeeping and religious observances. There are many special reasons to love the number 33.

See if you can find 33 values in the Sermon on the Mount. It is one of the most amazing places to discover a winning list of values to live by. A true North Star map. At the bottom of this classroom, you can study the 33 main values that I spotted. Keep scrolling.

Download this value chart for your family. It is atleast a good start, but there are so many more values besides these ones!

VALUES.pdf

Download PDF • 57KB

Here is the sample:

Who or what is competing for your attention? The reality is something doesn't have to be evil to be effective. Enough distraction in your life can cause you to lose your way in the currents of modern life. God is our North Star, and he always points us to lean into these values that He so graciously teaches us by sending us His Son, Jesus Christ, to teach them. We love learning from Him.

Who is your North Star? What is? Can you define it?

Look at your priorities and align them with your values and you will see the good, the better, and the best!

If you are interested in learning more about the 33 values I found in the Sermon on the Mount, here is a break down of what I see. We gathered these from the American version of the Sermon on the Mount. You can choose to also see it in the Bible version. They are pretty much the same with a few nuances. You can find them in 3 Nephi Chapter 12-13.

Feel free to swipe through the following scriptures that we connected to these 33. (If you are on a phone than enlarge the image and then swipe):

This is my North Star. What is yours?

We hope you visit more classrooms! They are packed with modern day science and some ancient stories here or there. Here is fun one on redefining inner beauty for girls. This class comes with a private documentary on discovering one's true worth, a great class for the girls and pre-teens in your life.

If you want to learn how agency is tied to all of this, and how freedom levels can give your teens a new lens for learning, discover how to build a healthy culture in your homes here.

Enjoy classes on building resilience, overcoming fears, and gaining a growth-mindset here.