Prioritize Your Values
- Dec 14, 2025
- 33 min read
Updated: Mar 2
Have you ever looked at the stars at night? Are they all competing for your attention? On a truly dark night, you will see billions of stars trying to compete for your focus.
Voyagers traditionally relied on the North Star to navigate the ocean. If modern technology fails, you cannot navigate by boat without using the stars. The North Star stays constant in the sky, allowing sailors to navigate dark ocean nights without getting lost. Similarly, we all should have a North Star in our focus that can guide us in the ocean of life.
Your spiritual perspective may not align with mine exactly, but I believe most everyone agrees with gratitude, love, kindness, and most values I talk about below. As I describe my guiding Northstar, I hope it helps you define your own. My lens of faith is Christian, and I believe that many of the values I rely on are shared by many amazing people of different faiths. When we define our North Star, it gives us the ability to not lose our way when we are pulled so many different directions. You can certainly use this concept in business, but you can also use this concept in life.
One of the things you should know about me, is I have learned that we can talk to God through the spiritual revelations (or downloads as the world calls it.) I don't always get to hear God's voice, but I have had sweet, personal moments where I taste glimpses of His personal love for me. I was feeling a need to talk with God and I always get the clearest answers around 3 or 4 a.m in the middle of the night. I remember hearing a quiet but beautiful voice in my thoughts say, "Steph...look at the stars. (I stood up in the middle of my prayer and stared at the night sky.) See how they are all competing for your attention? You really only need one star to guide you and that is me." I remember in that moment that the night sky lit up with distracting, bright, beautiful stars all around, dividing my attention. Then I noticed the big bright constant North Star. I remember distinctly recognizing in that moment the week before how social media, marketing ads, youtube shorts, emails flooding my accounts, and stock market signals were all competing for my attention. I was not finding my way that week. God reminded me who my North Star is. This is my North Star:
And that which doth not edify (negative thoughts) is not of God, and is darkness. That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day. And again, verily I say unto you, and I say it that you may know the truth, that you may chase darkness from among you.
I want to be a sheep in the Father's Kingdom. Jesus was the master at teaching good values to live by that help us become the Father's sheep. The more I study Jesus Christ, the more I learn how much He and His father, God the Eternal Father, love each of us. I have learned that when you love the Lord, obedience ceases to be a burden and you want to help others; peace fills your heart. If you want to learn how to find your true North, one way is to study Jesus Christ and learn from his values, no matter what religion you are. It is my testimony, that He knows the truth of all things, as He is the only one on Earth who embodied God's character perfectly. He knows what values we all should live by. He lived them perfectly when He took human form, and walked this earth as the son of God.
Defining your values that make up your North Star brings power in your life, but before you do, I want to share a few helpful things about values. I would like to distinguish between three commonly used words around values. Here are some definitions:
Values are what you believe is important. They are like your inner compass or your North Star — they guide your choices.
Virtue is a good habit or trait you practice usually based off the commandments.
Character is the patterns formed by your values and virtues over time. It’s who you are when no one is watching. What you have become.
Values = what matters to you
Virtues = how you act
Character = who you become
Here are some examples:
Value: Honesty
Character/virtue: Telling the truth even when it’s hard
Value: Respect
Character/virtue: Listening when someone else is talking
Value: Responsibility
Character/virtue: Doing homework without being reminded
Value: Kindness
Character/virtue: Standing up for someone who’s being teased
So as you can see, values are your north star. They guide you to practicing good virtuous living. Your character is who you have become over time. And that is why we call our school here Character Skool. It won't take a day or two to develop character. It will take a life time of practicing virtuous living based on your values.
Here are 20 winning values that we know can guide you:
Integrity
Integrity means doing what is right even when it’s hard or when no one is watching.
Courage
Doing what’s right or what you feel called to even when you feel scared or nervous.
Compassion
Caring about how others feel and wanting to help them.
Gratitude
Being thankful for what you have and what others do for you.
Faith
Trusting in God and believing in things that matter, even when they’re hard to see.
Humility
Not bragging and being willing to learn from others.
Fairness
Treating everyone equally and playing by the rules.
Perseverance
Not giving up when things get hard.
Self-respect
Valuing yourself and making good choices for your body and mind.
Service
Helping others without expecting anything back.
Love Others
Caring deeply about others and wanting what’s best for them.
Accountability
Admitting mistakes and fixing them when you can.
Trustworthiness
Being someone others can count on.
Patience
Staying calm while you wait or when things don’t go your way.
Loyalty
Standing by people you care about and keeping commitments.
Growth (or Learning)
Wanting to learn, improve, and become better over time.
Respect
Treating people, rules, and property the right way.
Friendly
Kindness in how you talk, act, and be around others & helpfulness.
Honesty
Telling the truth and not cheating or lying.
Empathy
Trying to understand how someone else feels or thinks.
It becomes very helpful to notice your values weaved through your life and in the character traits you are trying to develop. For example, perhaps your North Star is to be a peacemaker in your home. Here are the values that make up a peacemaker:
Respect – caring about everyone’s voice
Empathy – understanding how others feel
Fairness – wanting solutions that are win-win's
Compassion – caring enough to help fix problems
Peace / Harmony – believing relationships matter
I think we live in a day and age where many people have fallen away from their Northstar values. Eckhart Tolle in his book, The Power of Now says: “How is it possible that humans killed in excess of one hundred million fellow humans in the twentieth century alone? Do they act in this way because they are in touch with their natural state, the joy of life within? Of course not. Only people who are in a deeply negative state, who feel very bad indeed, would create such a reality as a reflection of how they feel. Now they are engaged in destroying nature and the planet that sustains them. Unbelievable but true. Humans are a dangerously insane and very sick species. That’s not a judgment. It’s a fact. It is also a fact that the sanity is there underneath the madness. Healing and redemption are available right now.” It is his belief that when we discover the power of presence, and let go of fears that come from our ego, we live our higher selves. I am still digesting his book, but the power of presence is a gift we can give the world. When I tried to align the gift of presence to my values, I realized that the character trait of "presence" requires most of the values listed above: empathy, compassion, patience, trustworthiness, humility, etc. I have learned that words hold power and convince us of action as we learn them. The word charity for example holds all the values! Someone that is charitable is honest, compassionate, friendly, patient, humble, etc. Presence requires most of the values as well. Worship requires most of the values. I believe we attempt as human kind to come up with meaning behind things everyday. You can choose your words, but the act of defining them is powerful for yourself. It allows you to keep your North Star in focus. I love this beautiful definition of charity written by Moroni that he found in his dad's journal:
And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
What a beautiful North Star to hold on to! Here is another powerful value that you may not hear about too frequently, but as G. B. Hinckley defines it below, I think you will see all the power in the word sacrifice:
Sacrifice is the very essence of religion; it is the keystone of happy home life, the basis of true friendship, the foundation of peaceful community living, of sound relations among people and nations....without sacrifice there is no true worship of God. I become increasingly convinced of that every day. The Father gave his Son, and the Son gave his life, and we do not worship unless we give; give of our substance, give of our time, give of our strength, give of our talent, give of our faith, give of our testimonies.
Another very powerful North Star value to live by! Do you see the value of defining your North Star values, virtues, and character traits to collect and embody in your life? The values you live by bring "value" into your life. They hold the keys to joyful living.
I believe every human has two sides to them. The first is our human side: the one that wants to fight to survive, get in the front of the line, push the kid at recess who took our swing, and complain about our chores. The second is our divine side: the one that can skip out of ego, recognize we are loved by God, and that we are here to bless others with charity. I believe that presence is one character trait of the divine side, the side of us that is filled with love and patience. I believe presence helps us access God, and I believe presence is a gift we can give to our fellow neighbors. I believe love is the foundation of all values, but love could take thousands of pages to clearly define. Love takes years, maybe even a life time for some, to make up our character as there are many values under the umbrella of pure, God-like love, also known as "charity". The study of love, is the study of charity which is the study of all of these values I have listed so far. Every value stems from living in our divine states of love. I once read how one of the founding forefathers of America took the time to work on one value each week. As a young man, Benjamin Franklin developed a method to nurture moral character by concentrating on one virtue each week, as he referred to them. He chose 13 virtues total — including temperance, silence, order, resolution, frugality, sincerity, justice, moderation, cleanliness, tranquility, chastity, and humility. He carried a small notebook and tracked his progress daily. Each week he concentrated on improving just one virtue while still observing the others. After 13 weeks, he would cycle back through them — repeating the process several times a year. He described this method in his autobiography, explaining that trying to master all virtues at once felt overwhelming, so he took them “in succession” instead. Benjamin Franklin defined his North Star and never lost his way in the currents. I have frequently contemplated what my personal values should be, and the remainder of this page is my effort to outline those that I consider genuinely important in life.
My second cousin, Matt Clayton runs a phenomenal chain of micro-schools for kids in Utah and he was recently interviewed on The Lizzy Jenson podcast. He was asked, “would you rather raise your children to be smart, kind, or wise?” His answer was…kind. Because at the end of life, that is what matters. It won’t be their GPA’s, it won’t be job titles, it won’t be their impressive resumes. It will be their character, and how they treat people. Jesus will fill the heavens with kind people. You escape the ego by kindness and humility. When I set out to define my guiding values, I decided to begin with the traditional Ten Commandments.
When Jesus talks about commandments, He summarizes them as love. He expands on the laws of Moses when he taught during his time on earth. Now it isn’t just enough to “not murder” because the next layer Christ adds on is “love our enemies, do good to them who persecute us, and pray for them who despiteully use us.” Remember when they ask: "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” Jesus said to him,“‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ Then Jesus says this key phrase as well:
On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets
The Israelites had to wander for 40 years in the desert while they learned how to live by high values. They had to get the law broken down into simple parts because “loving God and others” is not as easy for humans as we all wish it would be. If you go back and look at my list of 20 winning values, you will see that the undertone of all of them is love. Love is what all of the commandments were based off. In modern English, the word “command” implies authority, force, and obedience under threat. But in the biblical world, commandments were understood more like a parent guiding a child or a map showing a safe road. Biblical commandments were originally understood as entrusted, purpose-filled instructions—spoken words meant to guide people into life, not rules designed to control them. There are hidden blessings behind obeying commandments. But first we have to get the "command" out of commandment. Did you know the word "commandment" comes from the Old French commandement and from Latin commandare… Com means together and mandare means to entrust, commit, and put into someone's care. The word carried the idea of entrusting something important to someone, not just barking an order. But if you go back even farther, and look at the Old Hebrew world, commandment was actually originally written as Mitzvah.
מִצְוָה (mitzvah)
It mean instruction, guidance, duty, and a path you are meant to walk. A mitzvah is not just a rule, it is something given for your good, something that connects you to God and to right living. That’s why in Jewish thought, doing a mitzvah is considered a privilege, not a burden.
So when the scriptures say blessed are those who keep his mitzvot, this implies life-giving guidance, not oppressive law. Satan, the old serpent of the garden, has dedicated ages of time to getting people to think that laws are oppressive and take away freedoms. Some may protest or question the truth of doctrine, without knowing or even understanding the fulness of that doctrine. That is how Satan works, through subtle deceptions that grow, as he desires for you to be as trapped as he is. Unable to obtain an earthly body like the one you were granted, he cannot practice living mitzvah on Earth to advance towards becoming like God. He wants you to live contrary to mitzvah. He is a cruel, wrathful, fallen angel. He doesn't want you to know that the commandments are are sacred pathways that lead the heart toward happiness.
If they obey and serve him, they shall spend their days in prosperity, and their years in pleasures. Job 36:11
The wise in heart accept commands, but a chattering fool comes to ruin. Prov. 10:8
You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalms 16:11
To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. Ecc. 2:26
The Lord will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of of singing. Isaiah 51:3
Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them. John 13:17
If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. John 15:10-11
I don't know about you, but I want to remain in God's love by following his values. Now you are probably thinking of the basic old "ten commandments" right now given by Moses the prophet. The Hebrew word used specifically for the Ten Commandments was:
עֲשֶׂרֶת הַדִּבְּרוֹת (Aseret ha-Dibrot)
It literally means "the ten words" or "ten sayings" and this is important. They are not called ten orders, ten laws, or ten threats. They are ten truths to shape life. Now we can look at the Greek word for commandment:
ἐντολή (entolē)
This word means instruction, charge, something set in order, a guiding directive. It comes from "en" meaning "in" and "telos" meaning goal and purpose. So an entolē is something that leads you toward your intended purpose. If you read in Exodus 19 and 20, you will understand that this law was a covenant. God's component of that covenant was that he would bless us; "prosper" us in the land, and make us a nation of kings and priests, and give us lands of inheritance. And our part of this law was the Ten Commandments (which were expanded upon when Jesus defined them in a higher and holier way through the Sermon on The Mount). When I say "our," I mean this did not just apply to the ancients. God intends for all of His children to enter this covenant if they so choose. The commandments, if kept and treated as our value system, give us future blessings; and God never dismisses his end of the bargain.
Commandments are not oppressive laws, they are values that link us into the peaceful flow state of pure charitable love. Look at the lengths God took to save the children of Israel? They had been enslaved by the Egyptians for almost 400 years. He sent down frogs, hail as big as baseballs, disease, and sandstorms to rescue them from their persecuters. He opened up large bodies of water, he sent down manna from heaven. He really showed His power to get the Israelites out of a slave state under the oppression of one of the most dominant rulers of their time…pharaoh. He did this to keep his promise to the fathers of the Israelites who He covenanted with. So covenants are the tie between keeping commandments and receiving blessings for doing so. Adam made covenants with God. His son Seth made covenants with God. Cain, he was the first big trouble in the family. He made a covenant with Satan. And that backfired on him. Then you have Enoch who made a covenant with God. Then you have Noah who made a covenant with God. Then you have Abraham who also made a covenant with God. And we are the children of Abraham. And the same promises work for us, if we covenant with God like they did. And anyone who is not a literal descendant of Abraham is adopted into the covenant if they want to be. So how do we do this? How do we receive the blessings of keeping our end of the covenant? Well, the more you study the higher laws of God in the scriptures, the more you are able to see how to live a covenant life, and receive the blessings of protection like the enslaved Israelites received. Many make covenants in temples still to this day. But here is the catch, God's timing for blessings of living high values, does not always show up instantly. I love how Ezra T. Benson puts it, "One of the trials of life is that we do not usually receive immediately the full blessing for righteousness or the full cursing for wickedness. That it will come is certain, but ofttimes there is a waiting period that occurs, as was the case with Job & Joseph." We exercise trust in God, and wait patiently for promised blessings. When we trust God's timing, and stay in remembrance of his guiding North Star mitzvah, we can rest assured that there is a destination eventually, one that is so wonderful we can't even imagine it. But so often we get lost in the pleasures of modern day living, and we forget the poor, we forget the needy, we forget to love our neighbors, and we forget our North Star values in the floods of modern distractions with technology. The reality is that we need to become our values and share them with others as much as we can as the world grows increasingly wicked. That is why God is my North Star. He wants us to become like Him, and he carries all of these values.
Between two evils, choose neither; between two goods, choose both. - Tryon Edwards
Just imagine if everyone in America practiced living virtuously by honoring the value of chastity. The following study may be too sensitive for younger kids but very important to learn sooner than later. Chastity is the very important value that many religions believe about staying morally clean, especially before marriage, also taught by Jesus. It requires a high self-discipline and protects you from many diseases and emotional traumas that can come from not keeping the value close to your heart. The following info may be too sensitive for younger children but very important to learn in families. For example, the U.S. federal government spent around $1.9 trillion on health care programs in 2024 for all medical conditions. But the portion of that $1.9 trillion specifically attributable to STD treatment isn’t separately broken out in official spending reports. It is estimated that medical costs for STDs/STIs in the U.S. health system are about 15-16 billion annually (including HIV) in recent CDC cost estimates. Just imagine how much less debt the government would be in if more people in America valued chastity. This is why private choices always have public consequences. Your tax money is helping cover the cost of other people's lack of virtue!
It helps to understand natural consequences from not living true to important values that science and history can measure. For example:
Large-scale studies in psychology and sociology have found that:
Earlier sexual activity and higher number of premarital partners are correlated with:
Higher rates of depression
Increased anxiety
Lower relationship satisfaction later on
By contrast, individuals who delay sexual activity and honor chastity often show:
Higher relationship stability
Greater emotional readiness
Stronger perceived self-control and personal agency
This is one of the most important values we could ever learn! It could save the world so much grief if they could truly look at the importance of certain values that stem from the Ten Commandments.
Values are often blurred by the distractions of the world, and the standards set in movies and music. We have to be very careful about what we watch in families, especially if we do not understand our family's value system. As D. Oaks says, "Eternity is a long time. I have a great respect for learning, for academic endeavor and the university atmostphere. ...I have a great respect for science and scientists and for the search for truth. But remember this: science after all (even when it is true and final and factual) is simply man's discovering of a few things that God already knows and controls in his ordering of the universe. God has not told us all that he knows. We believe in continuous revelation." Science is a great way to learn what God already knows. Look at all the following evidence on every single one of the Ten Commandments. I got many of these in a friends book called Why You Should Keep The Commandments by Charles Zulanas IV, and I recommend his book to anyone!
I am the Lord, you shall have no other Gods before me.
85% of 373 journal papers comparing religion and mental health found religion may have either a positive or neutral corrrelation to positive mental health outcomes. (Judd 1997)
The religious may be 166% more satisifed during unemployment (Clark & Lelkes 2005), and 3.3 to 33 times less likely of committing suicide. (Nisbet et al 2000;Hilton et al 2002; Kleinman & Liu 2018)
Do not make or worship any images or idols
Those not motivated by money or fame may have 15% greater personal well-being (Dittmar et al 2014), 53% greater happiness (Diener & Biswas-Diener 2002), and could be 21% less likely to be in debt (Garoarsdottir & Dittmar 2012)
Just look at all the studies of too much time on phones. Visit this classroom here to see all the science. Brainrot has been proven to happen when spending too much time on screens.
Do not take the Lord's name in vain
Those not angry with God may have 52 to 88 % less psychological distress and 33 to 68 % better well-being (Pergament et al 2001). They also may need less time to recover from traumatic events (Lee et al 2013), a higher quality of life (Tarakeshwar et al 2006), and positive mental and physical health outcomes (Parmagent et al 2011; Parmagent et al 2013; Lee et al 2014)
Those who turn to God for help with stress may have 33% greater well-being, purpose, and growth (Ano & Vasconcelles 2005)
Remember to keep the sabbath day to keep it holy
Employee output may fall sharply after working longer than a 50-hour workweek, and may steeply decline after 55 hours; studies found employee output is nearly the same at 55 hours as it is at 70 hours (Pencavel 2015)
Weekly church attendees may live 4.4 to 9.8 years longer (Kahn et al 1984; Hummer et al 1999; Enstrom & Breslow 2007; Sullivan 2010), have 40% lower blood pressure (Koenig et al 1998), 17% less hypertension risk (Bell et al 2012), 24 to 65% less mortality risk (Kark et al 1996; Oman & Reed 1998; Hummer et al 1999; Helm et al 2000; Rogers et al 2010; Idler et al 2017), 31% less likely of risky behaviors (drugs, alcohol, smoking, vandalism, stealing) (Yonker et al 2012) and spend 14 less hospital days annually for ages 60 and above (Koenig & Larson 1998)
People that have time for family interactions and shared family time — including family meals and joint activities like church — are key factors influencing health behaviors that shape perceptions and contribute to better stress management and well-being across family members. (Family Health Climate)
Abundant evidence that keeping up spiritual practices improves well-being, reducing self-focus and selfishness, wich prepares a person to merge with or be open to something beyond self. When engaged in this with communities, in synchrony, this increases cohesion and trust, reducing isolation, alienation, and loneliness (Jonathan Haidt The Anxious Generation)
Honor your father and your mother
Children with warm relationships with both parents could have 62% less risk of midlife diseases (Russek & Schwarts 1996), and may have 21 to 30% less depression, anxiety, hostility, and somatic symptoms (Russek et al 1998)
Parent-child relationship quality predicts higher subjective well-being in adulthood across a diverse group of countries including better mental health, and life satisfaction and purpose across countries & cultures (Communications Psychology- international research)
Parents with a completely happy parent-child relationship had 64 to 80% less externalized or internalized child behavior (violence, vandalism, social withdrawal, guilt, loneliness) and 80 to 86% less parental feelings of anger or frustration (Moore et al 2011)
The child brain at a young age is completely programmable to beliefs wiring to stay in the mind into negative stories in their heads later in life which means that the things we say around our young kids, shape their beliefs and their internal chatter later in life (Conscious Discipline - Bailey)
Thou shalt not murder
Not killing could be correlated with 2 times decreased risk of committing suicide and 1.7 to 4.3 times less risk of PTSD and these effects have been documented since the American Civil War (Kaplan et al 2007; Maguen et al 2012; Smith et al 2008; Xue et al 2015; Frueh & Smith 2012)
Check out the scanned brains of murderers researched at the Aman Clinics, the brain scans look shrunk, shriveled, and different colored than a normal brain scan.
Wardens who execute the death penalty on death row prisoners may fell guilty for years after delivering the sentence (Moseley 2014)
Hate lives in the body if not let go of, creating physiological effects that are unpleasant, and you can study more of this in our friendship classroom here.
Mental health problems were reported as 81% higher and anxiety increased 34%, depression by 37% after abortions, substance abuse and suicidal behavior also showed higher relative risks in this analysis (Priscilla Coleman Meta-Analysis 2011)
94% of men and 95.4% of women in a national study in the US believe that being a parent is worth it despite the cost (Centers for Disease Control & Prevention 2011)
You shall not commit adultery
Being married is associated with 34 to 61% greater life satisfaction (Helliwell 2003; Holt-Lunstad et al 2008; Bowman et al 2010)
Those completely faithful to their spouse may be 23% less likely of being currently divorced, 6 times less likely to have depression, and may avoid 40 potential psychological and physical consequences for themselves, their spouses, family, etc. (Wang 2018; Cano & O'Leary 2000; Family Life 2010)
Marriage has proven to have health benefits including longer life, fewer strokes and heart attacks, lower risk of depression, less likely to advance in cancer, more likely to survive for a longer time with cancer (Shmerling 2016)
You shall not steal
Youth who don't stetal may be three times less likely to get D's or F's in school, six times less likely to experiment with drugs, and 4 times less likely of a serious fight and 5 times less likely to regularly smoke (Grant et al 2011)
Low levels of moral judgment may be strongly associated with delinquency (Stams et al 2006) and high levels of moral development may have an inverse relationship to subsequent crime or arrest (Van Vugt et al 2011)
About 89 million people were in modern slavery between 2011 and 2016. 71% of these victims were women, 50% of those in forced labor were due to debt bondage, and 25% of victims were children younger than 18 (International Labour Org. 2017)
You shall not bear false witness
Study participants told not to lie for 10 weeks and were polygraphed weekly about their compliance had up to two times less stress, fewer headaches, better sleep, fewer sore throats, and better relationships, mostly found in participants who were coached on how to not lie including omitting truths (Kelly & Wang 2012)
Companies with highly ethical managers had 17.4% greater return on sales and 288% higher company value (Guiso et al 2015)
Companies exhibiting candid communication in shareholder letters consistently outperform the S&P 500 (Rittenhouse 2015)
You shall not covet
Those who are not envious of others may be 70% more diligent on difficult tasks (Hill et al 2011) and may focus their businesses on improving customer experience rather than envying their competitors (Morgan 2019)
Social media, which may trigger 20.3% of all envy incidents (Krasnova et al 2013), may lead to decreased life satisfaction (Krasnova et al 2015; Verduyn et al 2015; Liu et al 2019), and depression (Wang 2020)
Focusing on the task ahead of you, helps many major athletes become winners, rather than focusing on beating someone else (Craig Manning - Fearless Mind)
Those who are not envious may have greater well-being and may be more likely to reach self-mastery, less likely to undermine relationships, less likely to get cancer, less likely of cardiovascular disease, less likely to have insomnia, and less likely of mental health problems (Burton 2014; Smith et al 1999; Smith & Kim 2007)
Of course, this is only the beginning of great virtues to live by that make up a covenant life. If you visit the Sermon on the Mount, there is a great line about not judging for example:
For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again
Studies on mindfulness — especially the “nonjudging” component — show that people who practice observing thoughts and behaviors without harsh evaluation tend to experience lower anxiety and depression, reduced stress reactivity, and greater emotional regulation (Kabat-Zinn: Baer et al)
Research in compassion and empathy shows that suspending quick judgment improves relationship satisfaction, increases trust and cooperation, reduces conflict escalation, and people who feel less judged become more open and honest and people who judge others harshly tend to show higher self-criticism and stress. (Carl Rogers & Kristen Neff)
The science doesn't stop. I could collect tons more evidence for the happiness of anchoring to the commandments, but sometimes it is also helpful to see what is distracting you from them?
Once, a family went to the beach. They had four kids with them, including one newborn baby. The family set up their chairs, and the mom sat down to nurse her baby when she looked up and noticed her oldest son who was 8 at the time had already taken off on a floating tube in the ocean. It was a calm morning, and the mother noticed he was not right next to the babysitter who was helping that morning. She asked the babysitter to go grab him and bring him closer to her but she was afraid of the water and didn't grab him. The mother noticed that he was getting farther out rather quickly. So she gave her newborn baby to grandma who was sitting next to her, and swam out with a tube herself to go pull him back in. She thought it would take thirty seconds to pull him back in and show the babysitter how easy her job could have been, however, when she got out there she noticed that her son was not willing to get off his tube and kick his legs. The distance between her son and her own tube was only ten feet or so. Yet, both tubes were drifting out. Mom was intentionally kicking her legs to get to her son, but son was not willing to get down and kick his legs to get to mom. He froze, in panic, probably due to how deep it suddenly felt, and the movie he had watched the night before about sharks. The distance was always about ten to 15 feet, but mom could not get her son to kick towards her, and she had to kick quite fast to catch up to him. By the time she had gotten to her son's inner tube to bring him back to the beach, she was clear past the second sand bar atleast 90 yards from the beach and well into the deep waters. Of course, frantic, she asked why he wouldn't kick to her but he was frozen in fear. So mom started kicking her legs back to get back to the beach. Her legs were exhausted and felt like jelly, because she had just had a newborn baby. About half way back, two men saw the ordeal and came out to help her kick her son back to the shore. As they were helping her pull him back in to safety, they explained that not many people realize that the current is heading out in the morning. Most beaches have waves crashing against the shore. Occasional rip tides take you out. But this calm ocean beach in Florida, had a current that went out in the early mornings. The mom learned a very important lesson that day. Know what direction the current is in, and anchor your children if they decide to float on tubes, especially after watching shark videos.
The currents are strong in this world. It is helpful to recognize the currents and sharks that are around you. Trials are always around the corner, but there is hope for all of us. Who or what is competing for your attention? The reality is something doesn't have to be evil to be effective. Enough distraction in your life can cause you to lose your way in the currents of modern life. Sometimes well-meaning people can distract us, even if they unintentionally do it. Sometimes there are so many "stars in the sky" demanding your attention on your social media feeds that you can't see your North Star.
There is an interesting movement that often happens throughout history where groups focus on one or two values, but throw out the door the other values. Contentious movement has happened throughout history where groups of people have hated other groups of people because they felt marginalized for thinking or believing differently. They want acceptance and understanding for who they are becoming but oftentimes, groups of people have collected different value systems as a whole. One group may only focus on love and peace, but they don't value chastity or integrity. There is the dilemma. How do we gather the correct values to lean on while still loving our neighbors?
There is a concept called fence laws. Fence laws are laws that people create for themselves to protect them from committing actual sin against the Ten Commandments. A sin implies failing to live up to God’s standard or design, not just “breaking rules.” One example of an actual "entole" is God designed us to live as married couples, man and woman, honoring the law of chastity, with integrity and honesty. A fence law that can come with that standard, for example, would be, "dress modestly" or "come home by midnight." The fence law is not actually a commandment, it is more of a way to protect yourself from breaking the deeper virtue of honoring the law of chastity. You may notice in culture, fence laws sometimes become the "breaking rule sin.” For example, it didn't use to be illegal to touch a pregnant woman's belly. Have you ever wanted to feel a baby kick in your mom's belly? Now it is very much against the law to touch a pregnant woman's belly in some areas. This is called a cultural imperative. A cultural imperative is an unspoken rule a society treats as “you must do this” in order to belong, succeed, or be seen as good—even if it’s never written down. There are moral imperatives, and cultural imperatives that have come into existence all from people who started implementing "fence laws." The Ten Commandments from Moses' day, were the main laws that God wanted people to focus on to be kind human beings. Many "fence laws" were created around these higher laws in Moses day for specific reasons, but over many generations, some of those "fence laws" became actual cultural and moral imperatives in some religions. Surely you remember when Jesus lashed the temple steps and overturned the tables with frustration at the culture surrounding worship at the temple. He wants our hearts, not our cultural ways. He wants our worship to be personal, not a logical list of fence laws to abide by. He wants us to choose to love others, not worry so much about personal gain. Every culture has different moral imperatives that have evolved over time. But the idea behind commandments being restrictive, suffocating, or too hard to keep up on, is usually from old generational beliefs of required fence laws, that if broken, make you a sinner. The highest values and commandments actually create happiness. Fence laws are not always needed to live the highest laws of love, and occasionally we judge people based off of our own fence laws. The truth is, we all fall short, and we need more patience for eachother. But we also need to be grateful for the fence laws that people do create personally, to protect and safeguard their moral compass as the world is losing it's self-control and darkening every moment we read the world news.
In my own personal religion, for example, the entire global church, as a whole, has changed material directed towards the youth of the church, to implement more focus on the higher moral virtues, and less specific on the "fence laws" that often came from "grandma's handbook" of church culture over time. By getting less specific of what "fence laws" to abide, and more specific on what the moral virtue is that can bring you closer to a connection with God, the youth of the church feel more responsibility and more trust. People rise to the expectation of the ones they trust. Because the church leaders, who felt inspired by God to implement this, placed more trust that the youth would follow their intuition on how to handle themselves in the specifics, many have rised to the occasion, while others feel like birds that were set free from the cage. Here is an example. The Youth standards book use to be, "girls should only have one pair of earrings," and now the handbook was updated, to only say, "Treat your body—and others’ bodies—with respect. As you make decisions about your clothing, hairstyle, and appearance, ask yourself, “Am I honoring my body as a sacred gift from God?” Heavenly Father wants us to see each other for who we really are: not just physical bodies but His beloved children with a divine destiny. Avoid styles that emphasize or draw inappropriate attention to your physical body instead of who you are as a child of God with an eternal future. Let moral cleanliness and love for God guide your choices." Do you see the beauty of focusing on the moral virture, and letting the "fence laws" be more personal in nature? Of course, people will naturally be held more accountable, as they are less restricted. God trusts us to rise to the occasion. He also watches us from above, to see how we use our freedoms and sometimes he has to course correct, just like he did the Israelites who he helped escape slavery. Once they gained their freedom, they had to navigate how to get along with each other better. Remember, we can choose our actions, but we can not always choose our consequences. This is why developing a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and your Father in Heaven is the life-jacket that protects you in the ocean of life. It would be impossible for us to have a book of commandments to counter every sin we could commit. Murder has a full tree of fruit that go along with it; biting, hitting, punching, hating, bullying, abusing, etc. Sin is hate and ego and pride and cruelty. So do we need 5000 fence laws for the infinite ways we can sin? Or do we just need to focus learning to love the Savior who rescues us, who points the way, who sacrifices for us, who teaches us, who comforts us, who allows us to repent, and expects us to turn to Him daily? I have learned that the more I study his life, the more I want to live like He does, and the more I realize I depend on his grace as I fall short of loving my neighbors perfectly all the time. I feel no guilt around needing repentance, in fact, I believe repentance is one of the greatest gifts he gives us. Repentance is a change of state, change of mind, change of breath, and change of direction that turns you back to God. The main Hebrew word is translated as:
תְּשׁוּבָה (teshuvah)
Root: שׁוּב (shuv)
The literal meaning for repent is to turn back, return, restore your path towards God. This process can seem scary, but it is the one thing Jesus Christ constantly wanted people to know how to do. And in our day, he does not ask us to sacrifice a lamb at the alter to pay for our sin, he asks us to simply come to Him in prayer, with a broken heart and a contrite spirit.
Let the guilt start you on the path of the sincere, heartfelt, and therefore heart-changing process of laying down your sins, even giving away your sins to know the Lord. And as you come to know him, and come unto him, you will also come to know the real you, unshackled and free from your past. -Wendy Nelson
Interestingly enough, heaps of people have sacrificed their lives to preserve records of the past, hidden in hills and caves that make up modern scripture that teach us God's character traits. Courageous heroes were either burned for translating, scourged for explaining, imprisoned for declaring, or hunted for hiding the ancient records. There is a dark side, an evil side that doesn't want you to find the light of truth, they are the "currents of the ocean." Miracles and sacrifice are the reasons you can open your phone and gain all the beautiful knowledge of the past that can build your values with the touch of a button. It would be a shame to not read them when so many people have died so that you could.
Read the ancient books! Don't be surprised to hear that God has worked tirelessly across the globe to give you his standards. There is the Bible of the Old Jerusalem, the Torah of the Jews, there is the words of Christ in the New Testament, there is the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Book of Enoch that was found with the Dead Sea Scrolls, there is ancient writings from the American continent, there are records of Abraham and Moses in the Pearl of Great Price that many people don't know about. The more records you can study, the more you can see God's handprints. Most people don't even realize that Enoch wrote for our day, warning of us of what is coming. Most people have no idea that there was an ancient writer named Mormon, who hid up and recorded all the records of his ancestors and hid them in a rock in what is now upstate NewYork. He watched his whole family die, and wandered alone for decades, as he had to witness the destruction of his country in a massive war that ended his society. He actually even records the moments that Jesus Christ visited his ancestors, after Jesus died, as he etched in metal plates, all the important moments of the ancient "pre-Christopher Columbus" American history. There is so much wisdom to learn in all scriptures and they act like a puzzle that fit together. God is working tirelessly to bring you the truth of his love, and the loving characteristics we should grow into becoming. He actually designed our Earth, and tailored it for our growth as communities and individuals as you learn his entire goal is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of men. Go over values as a family and chat about which ones you want to work on. Perhaps you could focus on one value at a time. Find your True North as families. Then, we hope you visit more of our classrooms that specifically target developing Character traits that align with your values.
We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. -Maya Angelou
This next section I share is just a bonus spiritual lens for another day's study as you are collecting and gathering your values. No matter what religion you are, I believe you can benefit from the values I discovered. I hope you enjoy with an open heart and mind, always keeping your North Star in your heart.
Years ago, I studied the Sermon on the Mount. A famous Sermon by Jesus Christ. Believe it or not, the Savior actually gave that Sermon more than once and it was recorded on opposite sides of the globe. Once in Jerusalem found in the Bible, and once in the Americas found in ancient records that were hidden in NewYork. Both groups of people got to hear this sermon in the days of Jesus. Confused? Email me if you want to learn more about this. But the fact is, that whether you read it from either place, the words are very similar. I took the time to read the Sermon repeatedly over a couple of years and found that, from my perspective, Jesus was conveying 33 main truths. Interestingly enough, 33 is the year he died and was resurrected. 33 is a famous Jewish number. There are 33 vertebrae in the spine. In the original Hebrew text of Genesis chapter 1, “Elohim” appears 33 times, which many scholars and theologians note as symbolically significant. 33 is the temperature that ice melts, as 32 is the freezing point. Roughly every 33 years, the solar and lunar calendars realign, a cycle historically important for ancient timekeeping and religious observances. There are many special reasons to love the number 33.
See if you can find 33 values in the Sermon on the Mount. It is one of the most amazing places to discover a winning list of values to live by. A true North Star map. At the bottom of this classroom, you can study the 33 main values that I spotted. Keep scrolling.
Here is a basic download of values that you could choose to work on as a family each week. It is atleast a good start, but there are so many more values besides these ones, and there is so much depth to uncover around every value. It will actually take us beyond this life to fully understand how to live each value perfectly. But here is a head start:
Here is the sample:
If you are interested in learning more about the 33 values I found in the Sermon on the Mount, here is a break down of what I see. We gathered these from the American version of the Sermon on the Mount. You can choose to also see it in the Bible version. They are pretty much the same with a few nuances. You can find them in 3 Nephi Chapter 12-13.
Feel free to swipe through the following scriptures that we connected to these 33. (If you are on a phone than enlarge the image and then swipe):
This is my North Star. What is yours?
We hope you visit more classrooms! They are packed with modern day science and some ancient stories here or there. Here is fun one on redefining inner beauty for girls. This class comes with a private documentary on discovering one's true worth, a great class for the girls and pre-teens in your life.
If you want to learn how agency is tied to all of this, and how freedom levels can give your teens a new lens for learning, discover how to build a healthy culture in your homes here.
Enjoy classes on building resilience, overcoming fears, and gaining a growth-mindset here.
