Prioritize Your Values

Have you ever looked at the stars at night? Are they all competing for your attention? On a truly dark night, you will see billions of stars trying to compete for your focus.

With all these stars in the sky, there are a few that really stand out, one in particular. Voyagers traditionally relied on the North Star to navigate the ocean. If modern technology fails, you cannot navigate by boat without using the stars. The North Star stays constant in the sky, allowing sailors to navigate dark ocean nights without getting lost. Similarly, we all should have a North Star in our focus that can guide us in the ocean of life.

As I describe my guiding Northstar, I hope it helps you define your own. My lens of faith is Christian, and I believe that many of the values I rely on are shared by many amazing people of different faiths. When we identify our North Star, it gives us the ability to not lose our way when we are pulled so many different directions. As D. Oaks says, "Eternity is a long time. I have a great respect for learning, for academic endeavor and the university atmostphere. ...I have a great respect for science and scientists and for the search for truth. But remember this: science after all (even when it is true and final and factual) is simply man's discovering of a few things that God already knows and controls in his ordering of the universe. God has not told us all that he knows. We believe in continuous revelation." Science is a great way to learn what God already knows. We all have more information than any other time period in history. There truly are millions of stars competing for your attention on a daily basis through your TV, your podcasts, your phones, your social media channels, your email, and your communities. How do you navigate your way through all the noise?

One of the things you should know about me, is I have learned that we can talk to God through prayer, and sometimes, if you stop talking during your prayer, you give room for Him to speak back to you. I remember one night hearing a quiet but beautiful voice in my thoughts say, "Steph...look at the stars. (I stood up in the middle of my prayer and stared at the night sky.) See how they are all competing for your attention? You really only need one star to guide you and that is me." I remember in that moment that the night sky lit up with distracting, bright, beautiful stars all around, dividing my attention. Then I noticed the big bright constant North Star. I remember distinctly recognizing in that moment the week before how social media, marketing ads, youtube shorts, emails flooding my accounts, and stock market signals were all competing for my attention. I was not finding my way that week. God reminded me who my North Star is. The day that Jesus Christ was born, the brightest star in the sky appeared.

Perhaps this star is a symbol of just how much guidance we can receive if we put the Son of God into our focus as our North Star. Jesus is the master at connecting us to the values that will lead us to a Celestial life. When Jesus talks about commandments, He summarizes them as love. Now it isn’t just enough to “not murder” because the next layer Christ adds on is “love our enemies, do good to them who persecute us, and pray for them who despitefully use us.” Remember when they ask: "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” Jesus said to him,“‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ Then Jesus says this key phrase as well:

On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets

So we learn that love is the foundation for any North Star guidance system. In modern English, the word “command” implies authority, force, and obedience under threat. But in the biblical world, commandments were understood more like a parent guiding a child or a map showing a safe road. Biblical commandments were originally understood as entrusted, purpose-filled instructions—spoken words meant to guide people into life, not rules designed to control them. There are hidden blessings behind obeying commandments. But first we have to get the "command" out of commandment. Did you know the word "commandment" comes from the Old French commandement and from Latin commandare… Com means together and mandare means to entrust, commit, and put into someone's care. The word carried the idea of entrusting something important to someone, not just barking an order. God doesn't want us to obey the commandments out of fear, he wants us to obey them because we trust his path and want to follow his wisdom. But if you go back even farther, and look at the Old Hebrew world, commandment was actually originally written as Mitzvah.

מִצְוָה (mitzvah)

It mean instruction, guidance, duty, and a path you are meant to walk. A mitzvah is not just a rule, it is something given for your good, something that connects you to God, your North Star. That’s why in Jewish thought, doing a mitzvah is considered a privilege, not a burden.

So when the scriptures say blessed are those who keep His mitzvot, this implies life-giving guidance, not oppressive law. Guidance that leads us to happiness and prosperity.

If they obey and serve him, they shall spend their days in prosperity, and their years in pleasures. Job 36:11

The wise in heart accept commands, but a chattering fool comes to ruin. Prov. 10:8

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalms 16:11

To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. Ecc. 2:26

The Lord will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of of singing. Isaiah 51:3

Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them. John 13:17

If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. John 15:10-11

Commandments encompass all the most important values that keep you from getting lost out at sea. Now you are probably thinking of the basic old "ten commandments" right now given by Moses the prophet. The Hebrew word used specifically for the Ten Commandments was: 

עֲשֶׂרֶת הַדִּבְּרוֹת (Aseret ha-Dibrot)

It literally means "the ten words" or "ten sayings" and this is important. They are not called ten orders, ten laws, or ten threats. They are ten truths to shape life. Now we can look at the Greek word for commandment:

ἐντολή (entolē)

This word means instruction, charge, something set in order, a guiding directive. It comes from "en" meaning "in" and "telos" meaning goal and purpose. So an entolē is something that leads you toward your intended purpose.  Having purpose and meaning that is greater than ourselves is one of the leading ways to find joy in this life. When you define your North Star, you are attaching yourself to a purpose higher than yourselves, and by doing so, you gain the path forward in the crazy currents of life, and your identity starts to transcend the mind of the world.

If you want to see the values that God began to show to the world in earlier times, you can look at the laws that Moses wrote down when he talked to God on top of the mountain:

• One God

  • Don't let anything else take the place of your "North Star" who is Christ

• No idols

  • Don't worship money or status as if they define your worth

• Respect the sacred

  • Use language & oaths with integrity

• Rest & sabbath worship

  • Take one day a week to recharge, be present, and worship with community

• Honor your parents

  • Value wisdom from elders, respect those who raised you

• Don't kill

  • Respect human life, resolve conflict without violence

• Chastity & faithfulness in marriage

  • Commit to your relationships, don't betray those who trust you

• Don't steal

  • Respect what belongs to others; earn what you have honestly

• Be honest

  • Be your word, and don't lie

• Don't covet

  • Be content with what you have, find gratitude and satisfaction

A great place to find your true North is in the scriptures. But as the books become your friends, you will learn there are many values that make up the character of Christ, and many values that make up the virtue of charity.

Defining your values that make up your North Star brings power in your life. I would like to distinguish between three commonly used words around values. Here are some definitions:

Values are what you believe is important. They are like your inner compass or your North Star — they guide your choices.

Virtue is a good habit or trait you practice usually based off the commandments.

Character is the patterns formed by your values and virtues over time. It’s who you are when no one is watching. What you have become.

Values = what matters to you

Virtues = how you act

Character = who you become

Here are some examples:

• Value: Honesty

  • Character/virtue: Telling the truth even when it’s hard

• Value: Respect

  • Character/virtue: Listening when someone else is talking

• Value: Responsibility

  • Character/virtue: Doing homework without being reminded

• Value: Kindness

  • Character/virtue: Standing up for someone who’s being teased

So as you can see, values help you find purpose and meaning around things you believe in, and create a guidance system for you, like a North Star does. Eventually, you become what you focus on. Your character is your repeated beingness, which makes up your identity. And that is why we call our school here Character Skool. Our whole goal with Character Skool is to help families stay focused on their True North values. Our goal is to build a collection of values for families to study together. The world is more distracting than it has ever been, and sometimes we will need to subtract our view from the many stars competing for our attention, while focusing on the ones that really guide us.

And that which doth not edify is not of God, and is darkness. That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.

It won't take a day or two to develop character. It will take a life time of navigating the oceans of life. The trick is to never loose focus on your North Star, which for me is developing a relationship with Jesus Christ.

I once read how one of the founding forefathers of America took the time to work on one value each week. As a young man, Benjamin Franklin developed a method to nurture moral character by concentrating on one virtue each week, as he referred to them. He chose 13 virtues total — including temperance, silence, order, resolution, frugality, sincerity, justice, moderation, cleanliness, tranquility, chastity, and humility. He carried a small notebook and tracked his progress daily. Each week he concentrated on improving just one virtue while still observing the others. After 13 weeks, he would cycle back through them — repeating the process several times a year. He described this method in his autobiography, explaining that trying to master all virtues at once felt overwhelming, so he took them “in succession” instead. Benjamin Franklin defined his North Star and recognized the need to put his values at the forefront of his mind, working on each of them with a clear focus.

Here are 20 winning values that can be a great start for young people:

• Integrity

  • Integrity means doing what is right even when it’s hard or when no one is watching.

• Courage

  • Doing what’s right or what you feel called to even when you feel scared or nervous.

• Compassion

  • Caring about how others feel and wanting to help them.

• Gratitude

  • Being thankful for what you have and what others do for you.

• Faith

  • Trusting in God and believing in things that matter, even when they’re hard to see.

• Humility

  • Not bragging and being willing to learn from others.

• Fairness

  • Treating everyone equally and playing by the rules.

• Perseverance

  • Not giving up when things get hard.

• Self-respect

  • Valuing yourself and making good choices for your body and mind.

• Service

  • Helping others without expecting anything back.

• Love

  • Caring deeply about others and wanting what’s best for them.

• Accountability

  • Admitting mistakes and fixing them when you can.

• Trustworthiness

  • Being someone others can count on.

• Patience

  • Staying calm while you wait or when things don’t go your way.

• Loyalty

  • Standing by people you care about and keeping commitments.

• Growth (or Learning)

  • Wanting to learn, improve, and become better over time.

• Respect

  • Treating people, rules, and property the right way.

• Friendly

  • Kindness in how you talk, act, and be around others & helpfulness.

• Honesty

  • Telling the truth and not cheating or lying.

• Empathy

  • Trying to understand how someone else feels or thinks.

    
    

Between two evils, choose neither; between two goods, choose both. - Tryon Edwards

Sometimes it is also helpful to see why we need a True North! Looking around, you will see there are currents that can drift you in many directions while you navigate the oceans of life.

Once, a family went to the beach. They had four kids with them, including one newborn baby. The family set up their chairs, and the mom sat down to nurse her baby when she looked up and noticed her oldest son who was 8 at the time had already taken off on a floating tube in the ocean. It was a calm morning, and the mother noticed he was not right next to the babysitter who was helping that morning. She asked the babysitter to go grab him and bring him closer to her but she was afraid of the water and didn't grab him. The mother noticed that he was getting farther out rather quickly. So she gave her newborn baby to grandma who was sitting next to her, and swam out with a tube herself to go pull him back in. She thought it would take thirty seconds to pull him back in and show the babysitter how easy her job could have been, however, when she got out there she noticed that her son was not willing to get off his tube and kick his legs. The distance between her son and her own tube was only ten feet or so. Yet, both tubes were drifting out. Mom was intentionally kicking her legs to get to her son, but son was not willing to get down and kick his legs to get to mom. He froze, in panic, probably due to how deep it suddenly felt, and the movie he had watched the night before about sharks. The distance was always about ten to 15 feet, but mom could not get her son to kick towards her, and she had to kick quite fast to catch up to him. By the time she had gotten to her son's inner tube to bring him back to the beach, she was clear past the second sand bar atleast 90 yards from the beach and well into the deep waters. Of course, frantic, she asked why he wouldn't kick to her but he was frozen in fear. So mom started kicking her legs back to get back to the beach. Her legs were exhausted and felt like jelly, because she had just had a newborn baby. About half way back, two men saw the ordeal and came out to help her kick her son back to the shore. As they were helping her pull him back in to safety, they explained that not many people realize that the current is heading out in the morning. Most beaches have waves crashing against the shore. Occasional rip tides take you out. But this calm ocean beach in Florida, had a current that went out in the early mornings. The mom learned a very important lesson that day. Know what direction the current is in, and anchor your children if they decide to float on tubes, especially after watching shark videos.

The currents are strong in this world. It is helpful to recognize the currents and sharks that are around you. Challenges are always nearby; winds can steer us off course, waves may crash onto our ships, and at times, we may even need to abandon the vessels we're sailing on.

At times, our storms appear unexpectedly; at times, the winds blow so fiercely that it's difficult to see ahead; at other times, we find ourselves slightly off course, with currents strong enough that we struggle to correct our path without assistance. Who or what is competing for your attention? The reality is something doesn't have to be evil to be effective. Enough distraction in your life can cause you to lose your way in the currents of modern life. Sometimes well-meaning people can distract us, even if they unintentionally do it. Sometimes there are so many "stars in the sky" demanding your attention on your social media feeds that you can't see your North Star.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9six7RbAhfc

Repentance is one of the greatest gifts Jesus offers.  Repentance is a change of state, change of mind, change of breath, and change of direction that turns you back to God. All of us lose focus of the North Star at times when there are so many stars competing for our attention. The main Hebrew word for repentance is translated as:

תְּשׁוּבָה (teshuvah)

Root: שׁוּב (shuv)  

The literal meaning for repent is to turn back, return, restore your path towards God. This process can seem scary, but it is the one thing Jesus Christ constantly wanted people to know how to do. And in our day, he does not ask us to sacrifice a lamb at the alter to pay for our sin, he asks us to simply come to Him in prayer, with a broken heart and a contrite spirit.  

Let the guilt start you on the path of the sincere, heartfelt, and therefore heart-changing process of laying down your sins, even giving away your sins to know the Lord. And as you come to know him, and come unto him, you will also come to know the real you, unshackled and free from your past. -Wendy Nelson

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. -Maya Angelou

As we concentrate on our values and determine which ones we wish to uphold within our families, we improve daily at navigating through the distracting, star-filled skies. In every aspect of our lives, there are individuals trying to teach us something, and like a starry night, we can easily become distracted and lose our focus with all the influencers, movies, podcasts, and every other star competing for our attention. Therefore, identifying, articulating, and defining your family's true north values will guide you to satisfaction, peace, joy, and purpose.

VALUES.pdf

Download PDF • 57KB

Here is the sample of a great list to start with:

Feel free to swipe through the following virtues that Jesus Christ offers us to reflect on. (If you are on a phone than enlarge the image and then swipe):

This is my North Star. What is yours?

We hope you visit more classrooms! They are packed with modern day science and some ancient stories here or there. Here is fun one on redefining inner beauty for girls. This class comes with a private documentary on discovering one's true worth, a great class for the girls and pre-teens in your life.

If you want to learn how agency is tied to all of this, and how freedom levels can give your teens a new lens for learning, discover how to build a healthy culture in your homes here.

Enjoy classes on building resilience, overcoming fears, and gaining a growth-mindset here.