Lose your fear & trust yourself
- Dec 14, 2025
- 15 min read
Updated: Apr 30
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood. -John Mayor.
Courage isn't the absence of fear; it's doing the thing anyway and sending fear the bill. Remember, much of fear comes from your own beliefs. Your brain is trying to keep you safe from the chasing lions of life. But those lions are often our own thoughts that are not always true. As always, we hope you read these classrooms as families as they were built with the youth in mind.
You can talk to your fear in your head. You can calm it down, and tell it that you are safe. It won't leave you alone, but courage is not the absence of fear, courage is acting in the face of fear and doing what needs to be done. The monster under the bed turned out to be just a dust bunny with ambition. Today we want to help you to stop shrinking in the face of "danger." Your weaknesses can become strengths as you face your fears. Courage comes from the latin word "heart." Just as your heart pumps blood to your arms, legs, and brain, your courage pumps energy to your other virtues. Courage helps you move from spiritual creation to physical creation. We are all, after all, a sum of what we do. Humans are hardwired for comfort, but our essence is is hardwired for growth. The tension between these two creates frustration and keeps most people in a state of mediocrity.
Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Here is something almost unbelievable: a study found that 91% of the things we worry about never actually happen. Never. And yet our brain — brilliant, dramatic, slightly chaotic — cannot tell the difference between something that is real and something we simply imagined. A fear you made up in your head hits your brain just as hard as an actual threat standing right in front of you. Your mind is that powerful. Which also means it can work against you just as easily as it works for you.
Now here is where it gets personal.
Before you even turned seven years old, your brain was wide open — like a sponge dropped in the ocean, soaking up everything around it. Every word spoken over you. Every hug given or withheld. Every time someone made you feel like you were too much, or not enough. Those messages did not just float away. They landed. And for many people, they quietly turned into beliefs that whispered things like "I don't deserve good things" or "I'm going to fail anyway, so why try?" — beliefs so buried they don't even feel like beliefs anymore. They just feel like truth.
Here is the hard part: you will never rise above the way you see yourself. The ceiling of your life is largely built from the love — or the absence of love — you felt as a child. That is not meant to discourage you. It is meant to wake you up. The truth is, you are infinitely loved by a Father in Heaven. Someone always has your back. As we learned in the resilience classroom, the question "Am I loved?" must be answered truthfully, and there are many old beliefs that trigger you to answer that question untruthfully, which then triggers you to send that thought to process down in your survival state rather than your executive state.
Your brain, as incredible as it is, is also a little lazy — and that is actually by design. Anything you do repeatedly, it eventually moves from "thing I have to think about" to "thing I just do automatically." That is why you don't have to remind yourself to tie your shoes. But that same shortcut? It also runs your fears on autopilot, replaying old, broken stories without asking your permission. So what do you do? You change the channel. Literally. Inside your head, there is always going to be that one dramatic news channel — the one that takes a small worry and turns it into a five-alarm catastrophe. Your job is to notice it, pick up the remote, and choose something different. Because your destiny is not written by the loudest voice in your head. It is written by the one you decide to listen to.
You need to stop putting the wrong things in, like mainstream media, which is designed to stimulate negativity and hook attention by playing on human fears. You need to start putting the right things in by reading the scriptures, classical books, inspirational podcasts, and chat more with family and friends about heroic people who whip their fears off to sea. Next level "fear conquering" is when you work with a mentor or coach who can identify and remove unconscious negative patterns that you tell yourself. One of the best mentors you could ask for in conquering fear is Jesus Christ.
Look unto me in every thought. Doubt not. Fear not. -Jesus
Light chases the darkness away...and when you gather more light, the fear is shown...it no longer hides inside you. You gain truth, and it brightens you to move forward. The ultimate goal is self-mastery where you can remain calm despite the fear and darkness around you. It is not the absence of fear, it is clinging to the faith part of you instead.
One of the most profound findings on what a fearful or doubtful thought can do inside of you is found by Kristen Neff in the study of self-compassion. If you see a lion, you will feel adrenaline and enter fight or flight mode. RUN is all that comes to mind. Cortisol is released. But what if the lion in your head is your own thoughts? ... "You are ugly." "You are not good enough." "You are not powerful enough." "You are not a business professional." "You are not a soccer player." "You can't take care of your problems." When you have those thoughts, you just released a lion in your head and you didn't even know it. But here is the catch...your brain not only is feeling attacked, it became the attacker. That means you just experienced a double-dose of cortisol. Self doubt is dangerous. A double-dose of cortisol will create all sorts of physiological responses that can stay too long inside your body. How do you fight this?
Self-compassion
Definition of self-compassion:
Treating yourself with the same kindness, care, and understanding you'd offer a good friend, especially during difficult times, failures or perceived shortcomings, recognizing that imperfections and suffering are part of the shared human experience. It is a beautiful tool that comes from not always depending on love from others. You can show yourself the same compassion you show others.
Self-Judgment is when you unleash that double lion in your head. You are not supportive or gentle with yourself when you suffer, attacking yourself with harsh criticism. Yes you should decide that sometimes you have made mistakes. But you don't need to be a judge in your own head and decide that you are doomed to the fate of "I am a nobody" or "I am not a public speaker." Assigning a fate like this to yourself is like entering the lion's den. Stop attacking yourself, and give yourself a hug.
One of the ways you can develop more self-compassion is by studying your identity. Who you are, who you are meant to become, and where you come from. This is where religon, philosophy, and science can merge or seperate. I invite you to visit this classroom here on this subject.
From the Power of the Myth, a book by Joseph Campbell, we learn:
Am I the bulb… or the light?
Answer: Yes. :). WE ARE BOTH THE BULB AND THE LIGHT!
He teaches, we are both human and divine. When combined, what does this create? A devotion to living fully and utilizing our strength to serve a purpose greater than our own. Offering our highest service to the world. The Greeks referred to such individuals as heroes. In Greek, hero means protector. A hero's secret weapon was love, and they possessed the strength of two. We can be both the bulb and the light! If you feel yourself shrinking from some adventure...or some calling...or some challenge you desire to try...remember the mentor is inside you! God dwells in you, the light of Christ, the divine, the Holy Spirit.
For God hath not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. - 2 Tim. 1:7
Once you recognize you have divine help, you can cross the threshold to your adventure on the Hero's journey.
Do you remember the story of David and Goliath? Here is a clip of the famous Bible hero:
While David may not have been physically the strongest or most skilled of his brothers, his heart was strong in the sight of God. He loved God with all his heart and had a deep desire to obey Him. He had unwavering faith in God's love, power, and promised blessings, as he later demonstrated when he fearlessly fought and defeated Goliath with the Lord's help. - Ron Barcellos
We learned that fear increases norepinephrine and cortisol and trust/faith states increase oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine. Your body responds to your thoughts and beliefs. We can project fears onto other people, we can absorb the worry of others, or we can hold our space, and stay in a place of faith and trust.
An amazing friend of mine who is a powerful coach for CEO's, just shared this quote she found with me: "There is one responsibility which no man can evade: that responsibility is his personal influence. Man’s unconscious influence is the silent, subtle radiation of personality–the effect of his words and his actions on others. This radiation is tremendous. Every moment of life man is changing, to a degree, the life of the whole world. Every man has an atmosphere which is affecting every other man. He cannot escape for one moment from this radiation of his character, this constant weakening or strengthening of others. Man cannot evade the responsibility by merely saying that it is an unconscious influence. Man can select the qualities he would permit to be radiated. He can cultivate sweetness, calmness, trust, generosity, truth, justice, loyalty, nobility, and make them vitally active in his character. And by these qualities he will constantly affect the world. This radiation, to which I refer, comes from what a person really is, not from what he pretends to be. Every man by his mere living is radiating either sympathy, sorrow, morbidness, cynicism, or happiness and hope or any one of a hundred other qualities. Life is a state of radiation and absorption. To exist is to radiate: to exist is to be the recipient of radiation." –David O. McKay, BYU, 27 April, 1948
You've got a mission in life and the only thing that's standing in the way of making it possible is your fear of failure. -The Alchemist
Definition of an alchemist:
A person who transforms or creates something through a seemingly magical process. Someone who transforms things into something better. That magic happens in your own brain through faith, trust, and self-compassion. The alchemist is you, the hero.
We believe that every child has a unique gift to offer the world. Every child is a genius in something. And once you see the power you hold inside, fear starts to tug a little behind you. Expect it, and once you treat it like a friend tagging along, that friend stops trying to get so much attention from you. It is just telling you that you are starting an adventure. It is your chance to face opposites and take a chance at courage. That power comes when you are open, humble, grateful, and giving. You have agency to decide who you want to be in the future. We teach about this future-self in this classroom here too.
The Alchemist's use a special tool:
When the fear thought comes, they replace it with "I'm excited."
Faith is the moving cause of all action. Fear is the other side of faith. In the present, in that split-second of time as the fear crosses your mind, you have a choice of how to respond to your doubts. If a car is coming straight at you, your brain won't give you time to think, it will immediately get you moving. But most fears are not like that. Your ancestors did have to worry about actual lions outside their door and their brains were wired to immediately attack or run.
Occasionally, in modern times, that could be the case, but most of the time your dragons and lions are probably from your own doubts. Most of the time, in between stimulus and response there is a space and in that space we have the option to choose our response.
Craig Manning likes to describe this as the law of occupied space: two thoughts cannot exist in your brain at the same time. They have to come one at a time. You cannot have a doubt thought and a faith thought at the same time. Fear and trust-based meaning activate competing neural systems, and whichever system dominates...it shapes our perception, behavior, and physiology. When one network becomes dominant, it tends to suppress the other. So while both can exist, one usually leads behavior at a time. So faith doesn’t erase fear — it down-regulates it. When a doubt thought starts reverberating in your brain, you can shut that cycle down by stopping it with a power statement! It is best to have the power statement and action that is applicable in the moment. Here are some examples:
I am excited!
Two seconds quicker.
I watch the ball.
I am loveable.
Smile, shoulders back, I am unstoppable.
I am a wall (defense statement in pickleball).
Follow my shot.
Light it down the line.
I bring energy to this room.
God is my guide here.
I reflect God's light.
50 more steps.
Obstacles make me stronger.
Contrast helps me see.
What's awesome about this?
Pain is a guidance system.
I am excited.
I am loveable.
I am here to bless, not to impress.
I keep my promises to God.
I am a daughter or son of Heavenly Father who loves me.
I am me and that is my power.
My body achieves what my mind believes.
My breath is my guide.
This too shall pass.
I choose joy.
I attract abundance effortlessly.
I am teachable.
Mistakes make me stronger.
If these are too hard to say right now? Add the word "I am committed to______." It is a really good power word to start with when fear is strong.
We starve our fear when we take action, say power statements, repeat our "I am" statements, and keep journaling power statements that can help you in future moments. If you visualize yourself meeting a dragon, before that dragon comes in your life, you can actually prepare mentally ahead of time, what power statements you want to use, or what "next steps" you want to use when the dragon attacks. Many elite athletes visualize their basketball games before they go perform, and mentally rehearse what they do if they miss a three-point, or get boxed out, or experience a turn-over. They meditate the "next step" and the power statement they will use in that future moment if it comes. If you can conquer your dragons before you even meet the dragon, you are less afraid when the dragons come.
My friend Lizzy Jenson on her podcast explains that if you have been playing small, if you have been shrinking, if you have been singing doubts in your head, remember, fear is there to keep you safe. But our brains have evolved, we don't have dragons to fight, many of our fears are emotional. If you feel called to an idea, but it feels like it may put you outside of a social group, that may feel just as scary as if there were a dragon waiting around the corner. You could lose support, people could call you weird, and you get laughed at. Neuroscience shows that the amygdala fires the same warning signals, whether you're being chased by a dragon or submitting your first article. Fear doesn't mean stop. It means pay attention. Just think "there is something here worth paying attention to." When you sense fear, just pay attention to it. It will move you into discomfort, but that is not a bad thing. That can be a powerful thing! "Fear can be a backseat driver. It's always there, but it doesn't get to steer," as Elizabeth Gilbert says.
My favorite philosopher, Adam Miller says, "love is the thing that you join, or do, or share, or make. But it's not even the kind of thing that you could passively receive as a reward. It's not even the kind of thing that you could deserve. And if you think that it is the kind of thing that you can deserve and spend your life trying to deserve it, you'll never find it, because that's not even what it is." You lose your fear when you start deciding to love others, with no expectation back. That is, as Tony Robbins says, the highest form of love. The powerful kind. The kind the Alchemist believes. The type of love that drives you to fulfill the calling you feel called to, without expecting praise and honor back. You just do it, because it is exciting, and helpful to others. Even if your message only reaches one person, you could change that person's destiny and their posterity's trajectory.
If your brain can choose comfortable failure or scary progress, it will choose the comfortable failure every time. Your brain would rather fail than progress. If you feel excitement to do something, you need to know that it's probably going to come with the sweaty palms, the racing mind. It means that there's something big waking up inside of you. -Lizzy Jenson
The happiest people in life take risks. We call this the hero's journey.
Learn from others, and you will conquer your fears by following the path of a hero. How to defeat your dragons on the Hero's journey:
Know what you are passionate about because courage comes from the heart.
Have a can-do mindset. Collect your power statements for in the moment.
Control the controllables. Be in the present moment. Focus on the very next step.
Learn from the stuck stages, but move forward, rinse, and repeat...and journal.
Trust in a higher power, God, and spiritual downloads. Seek those downloads.
Have self-compassion, and compassion for others. Love of God, others, and self.
Remember that depression lies in dwelling on the past problems. Anxiety dwells in focusing too far out in the future. Presence is where you meet your mastery. It is also where you meet God. For God dwells in the present. There is not time with God. He is omnipresent which means he is not limited by space or location. We starve our fears when we focus on the next step, instead of looking at what feels like a lack of time. God can give us help in the present moment. Concentrating on self-imposed deadlines can cause unnecessary anxiety, suggesting that you might need to adjust those deadlines or simply focus on the immediate next step.
Once you are focused on the present moment, you step into your power. If you want to conquer your fears, you must have your identity deeply engrained inside. You are divine, you are a genius, you are courageous with something. You are a creator, so co-create with God. If you struggle with identity, visit this classroom here. How do we do the Heros Journey? The act of remembering who you are. You are deeply loved by Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ. Remember when Peter walked on water? What did fear do?
Faith begins with how you talk to yourself. -Craig Manning
You can live as if nothing is a miracle, or you can live as if everything is a miracle. Faith is the moving cause of all action but sometimes fear gets in the way. Want to know the way out? Gratitude. The reality is, fear and gratitude can't live in the same heart. One always pushes out the other. Who should you have gratitude for? Everything around you and God. "God loves starting with small things. He loves starting with faith the size of a mustard seed. Think about the miracles... super natural multiplication. Often it is doing it by our own strength that leads to pride, leads us to feeling the burden to have to carry. He multiplies. He is the one that keeps the lamp burning. When we say "I don't know if I have much left to burn here," when we are so empty ourselves...that's when the miracle happens....When we give thanks, we aren't just being kind. We're stepping into God's presence. We're opening the gate that leads to peace, provision, and divine perspective. When your heart is full of gratitude, it naturally tunes itself to the frequency of faith. The two go hand in hand. Gratitude sets the tone; faith carries the melody. Gratitude helps us stay in that place of alignment. It shifts our focus from what's missing to what's already moving...faith doesn't beg, it beams." -Jenn Wiemann (a master of trading the stock market in the futures arena, and creator of Faith for Women and one of the most fearless girls I know).
She also talks about the law of multiplication: what you bless, multiplies. Gratitude is not passive; it doesn't just acknowledge blessing, it multiplies it. In John 6, Jesus took what looked like "not enough," a few loaves and fish, and he gave thanks for them. And as he thanked the Father, it multiplied, and as it was distributed, everyone ate and was full, the entire gathering of thousands of people completely satisfied. Heaven wants to expand what you are grateful for. "Sometimes that multiplication shows up as more clients, more ideas, or more provision. Other times, it's more peace, more clarity, more strength. Either way, gratitude always multiplies something" as Jenn says.
A weapon against fear is gratitude!
Sometimes you have to wait, even while practicing praise for God and patience for blessings like Job, who the scriptures say fell to the ground in worship and said, 'The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.' As Jenn says, "Somewhere between the prayer and the promise...we wait. We wrestle. We wonder. But this is the sacred space where gratitude becomes warfare. We choose to thank God in the silence, we declare that He's still faithful."
Gratitude becomes warfare. - Jenn Wiemann
In the book, Faith Precedes the Miracle, by Kimball, it states, "But there is, of course, an increase of faith that should follow the miracle as well. As a result of the many miracles in our lives, we should be more humble and more grateful, more kind and more believing. When we are personal witnesses to these wonders which God performs, it should increase our respect and love for him; it should improve the way we behave. We will live better and love more if we will remember that. We are miracles in our own right, every one of us, and the resurrected Son of God is the greatest miracle of all. He is, indeed, the miracle of miracles, and every day of his life he gave evidence of it. We should try to follow after him in that example."
Remember, if you are doing anything big and scary to try and prove that you're enough, like seeking validation, it will not sustain you. If it is coming from a place of wanting to give and serve and be a light to the world, it is worth the fear that chases it! Gratitude will sustain your brave adventure.
We hope you visit more classrooms here!
